Space - I've Finally Made Some for Myself

So, I'm sick. Fever, cough, sore throat, runny nose, whiney disposition - these are my symptoms. My roomies are going out dancing tonight and I'm home, perhaps to write, maybe do some calculus (did I mention that I'm putting myself through this again?), I will undoubtedly drink tea, and maybe even draw myself a hot bath.

I had big plans for this weekend. First I was supposed to go to California, and then the tickets were too expensive, then I was supposed to be spending the weekend at IdyllicAncestralHome with my family, but I decided that that would be stressful. Then Roomie and I were going to go for to the cottage on the coast, but I decided that I needed this weekend to be actually in my life in Boston. This was a really good decision, even before I kissed a genderqueer with a dodgy immune system last weekend. (Or maybe, in all fairness, it is my immune system that is the dodgy one.)

In any case, I'm home for the weekend. This does mean that I have gotten around to a few things that I've been meaning to do for months. The most notable of which is that I have cleaned my desk. Really, deep down, cleaned it. Critically reimagined its organizing structures and cleaned the damn thing. I am not posting a before picture because the dust and clutter alone would send some of my readers into anaphylactic shock, since some of my readers keep an usual number of swiffers in their lives. I don't know what has been holding me back from this, options include:

1. At some point I often become an ineffective human being because the blues pull me down too far.
2. I don't think I deserve the things I could make for myself.
3. Because of A or B or both I don't prioritize properly and make the time -- see above discussion on where I'm spending this weekend.
   

I've been realizing lately that I hold myself back from a lot of things that I really want. There is a fine line between holding myself accountable for these things and beating myself up further, which would be counterproductive and lead to situation 2. In any case, the after picture is below. It looks a little odd because there is no computer there, but I'm using the fancy laptop to take the picture. Just to the left of the picture is the one window into my quirky garret bedroom, for context. I have posts brewing in my head about being a girl, and a nostalgic. But I'm hoping that I will be more willing to sit at my desk in the coming weeks, since I hope to preserve some portion of this open space.

ELACTown; Chipotles; Pear Tart;Etc

This post is going to be slightly scattered and I apologize. I spent the weekend in ELACTown, spending time with two of the three people mentioned in this old post. Both of their houses have been such refuges to me, and it was really wonderful to re-enter those spaces as a friend role. Roomie T. and I made HAM dinner (more on this later) and it was very yummy, but she was so grateful it kind of blew my mind. She has been incredibly busy, and can't remember the last time someone made her a meal. I really love feeding people when they are hungry, and the food sustains more than their bodies.

I also had a chance to spend a bit of time with the chaplain at the school, a wonderful man who helped me begin to re-encounter G-d when I was an undergrad. I saw him do some of his work yesterday, skipping a memorial service to find someone shelter, and it was deeply good to know that that work was being done, and watch him do it. He is phenomenal and I think I can credit him with teaching me what it means to truly be Christian. (More musings at some point on whether or not I am Christian.)

We made a pear tart yesterday that was very simple, with a pie like crust in a tart pan and then thinly sliced pears that we soaked in Riesling, ginger, and brown sugar for about an hour before putting it in the pan and baking for about 45 minutes. It was served with small dollops of ginger ice cream. I think we pretty much achieved dessert perfection, a simple clean not-too-sweet-or-heavy unusual flavor, delicious flaky pastry crust. It was amazing, and the genius-note was definitely the Riesling. If you have half a cup in your fridge, this is how you should use it. If you don't have a half cup (and alchohol is a wise choice in your life) you should go buy a bottle so that you *can* have a half cup of it in your fridge. While there, buy some pears.

Now I am back in this life in Harbor City. I am in the process of making food for the week, which means using the ingredient pictured above liberally. I am trying out this radical idea where I exercise *and* eat three meals a day. We'll see, but the chipotles in adobo certainly won't hurt, especially since I also have sweet potatoes and brown rice boiling, and I do love me a good burrito. Seriously, if you like chipotle and haven't experimented with this ingredient, but it when you buy the pears and wine. Other than that, I need to clean my desk and do some work. Buh. But doing work right now will mean that I get to go runs three mornings a week, and maybe balance is somewhere around the corner. Maybe.