For some reason, for the last month, life has been swamping me. I would say that it's been life in the fast lane, but really it's been more like trying to drive a car you've never driven before in rush hour traffic where everyone is going somewhere in a huge hurry, but moving pretty slowly, and you have to keep looking around into mirrors and blind spots to make sure that you aren't fucking up royally, or denting anyone's fender.
Tonight I have a reprieve: Sister, M.D. called to cancel our dinner date; Roomie L. is at her family's house on the gorgeous New England Coast; and Roomie B. is playing frisbee. So, I'm home -- drinking a beer, listening to Dave Carter and Tracy Grammer, doing laundry, treating the **new** wooden countertop, and blogging for the first time in an age.
NewJob is going well. I like the people I'm working for and even more I like having work that I like. I spend a lot of time thinking about graduate school, where I'll go and what I'll do. But really, I'm not applying until next fall (so matriculating in Fall 2008) and so for now I can enjoy having a job that I want to go to about 90% of the time. And for a 45 minute commute that's a pretty good percentage.
One of the major positive externalities to me of the job is that I'm thinking again -- thinking about future projects I want to do, thinking about things I want to explore, critiquing other people's work, etc, etc.. In this vein, I had coffee with my former thesis advisor and friend this afternoon. She just moved to HarborCity, and I'm overjoyed that she's here -- she's smart and supportive, and knows my econ-academic brain better than anyone else in the whole wide world.
I wrote a hard piece about AbusiveCollegeGirlfriend (henceforth ACG) in writing workshop a couple of weeks ago and last week at Queer OpenMic I performed it. I don't think that I was fully aware of the impact that that would have on me. I felt like I was bearing witness to my own pain and anger in ways that I never had before and telling the truth in very basic ways that also felt like I hadn't before. As I was nervously gearing up to read, I talked to the guy who runs the workshop A., and he was saying that I just needed to be prepared for people
to be sympathetic, and said that I could always say that it was a work of fiction, and I realized in that moment how much it *wasn't* and *couldn't* be a work of fiction in their eyes. Also, for the first time, I had friends at the Queer Open Mic and went out with them afterwards, and hung out with a different set of them beforehand. It was awesome, and new and felt so right and so queer I can't even describe it.
In the past ten days I've also cut about 8 inches of hair off my ponytail and "revised" my bangs several times.
That is the update from my life. I'll blog more soon, maybe, no promises, I swear I'm more reliable in real life than I am here.
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4 comments:
Glad to hear all is going well. You sound very content--- a great thing!
what gets me about the rush hour traffic is how everybody seems to know where they're going.
I keep telling myself that my schedule will get back to normal sometime, and that I'll actually write as much as i mean to.
Hasn't happened yet.
Congratulations on writing AND reading your piece, and on surrounding yourself with liberating and supportive queer community reinforcements. I'm positive your blog audience shall selflessly rise above our petty resentments and forlorn feelings of abandonment...
jack, how could anyone ever abandon you (for long)?
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