Radical Fun

Today is Radical Fun Day!

First of all I apologize because I had totally forgotten about it, and so blogging more about testosterone, teen motherhood, and my interview will all have to wait. I have to have fun!

Radical fun. Part of being queer, in my head, is being disruptive of normative places. Sometimes I do this by having loud sex (yes, college dorms are still normative places), sometimes I sit like a man on public transit, taking up a full seat, sometimes I ask the 'wrong' question in a meeting or classroom. But my favorite way to do it -- is to laugh.

My laugh is loud. Really loud. It sounds like I'm choking, and really when I laugh really hard it is difficult to breathe because I'm laughing so hard.

In high school, every morning we had Chapel, it was non-demoninational -- full of announcements and inspirational readings. We sat in our Advisory Groups. I sat next to a wonderful queer boy for four years. He was also a close friend, he had all the dance moves of Britney Spears memorized, we would have a BadPopSong of the week to sing to each other in the hallways, and every once in a while he would bite me in Chapel.

You have to picture an old auditorium, with a lovely and moldering proscenium stage. You have to picture an overweight Catholic arch-nemesis with a face that resembles a beet trying to be inspirational. It's quiet, other people are saying the Pledge of Allegiance, and then I start laughing. I'm about two thirds of the way back and the whole place can hear me, and I can't stop. I am a total disruption, and I don't care, I'm having too much fun.

I was pretty quiet in high school -- the only times I was loud was when I was angry and railing against aforementioned Catholic Arch-nemesis, and while playing lacrosse (when I was known to growl at my opponents). But there was very little joyful noise in my life, I was struggling to feel like I had space in the world, my laugh was always a disruption. Now there is a lot more laughter and a lot more space -- or I take the space more freely than I did then. I'm not sure which.

I love laughing, I love the way it takes my whole body and demands attention. I love the fact that my joy takes over and I can't stop it sometimes. I love it for the same reason that I love sex -- the ecstacy. From the Latin ex-stare, to stand outside oneself, to be taken outside oneself. It may not sound so radical, I hope it sounds fun. But it's what I hope to be doing in the face of this old, tired, beautiful, screwy world... that and you know, agitating